SAFE for the Holidays

This is a tool for fighting the holiday blues. It can be used by anyone, especially recovering addicts, alcoholics and codependents. It is not uncommon for many of us to have the winter blues. Whether we have experienced living with our own or someones addiction the holidays can be so stressful.
I use an acronym for remembering this plan: “SAFE”
S- Secure a place of escape when things get stressful, a prayer or meditation sanctuary. There is usually a bathroom where you can escape to and lock the door. It is a good idea to take with you a daily devotional with positive quotes for the day. We can also prepare a list of gratitude for the tough times. We need to focus on the positive. Another place of escape can be taking a walk from the scene. Tell them your on a workout regime and need to get some exercise. Maybe take a safe friend with you.
A- Attend twelve step meetings, maybe even an alcathon. If you don’t know what that is look it up on the internet. Plan ahead. There are twelve step meetings all over the world. Check the net in your area.
F- Focus on God or your Higher Power more than yourself. Keep the Faith, you can endure anything if you don’t drink, use or get stuck wanting to fix or control someone. The reward of resistance will feel so good, even in the beginning of recovery. I know I have been there!
E- Ease up on yourself, remember to give yourself some grace. That word really means unmerited favor. You may not think you deserve it but give yourself some. Then you can say, “I may not be where I think I should be or where someone else thinks I should be, but I am not where I was!”
In the beginning of my recovery it was a miracle that I was able to even just survive the holidays. After 23 years of addiction and intense holidays I did not know how to act without alcohol, drugs or drama. Often I just wanted to numb out, not feel a thing. Now after years of practicing recovery I love the holidays. It may take a long time, but the rewards are incredible. “Don’t leave til the miracles happen!”

Codependency ???

Codependency is sometimes a difficult word, difficult to explain and difficult to assess when to let go of a person in danger, especially if that person is your child or grandchild. In my counseling practice I will sometimes hear of how my client has been glibly told to “let go and let God”, a term often used in Al-anon. Until you have walked in the shoes of a parent or grandparent, you have no idea how painful or scary it can be to back out of protecting a child or grandchild.

Just imagine for a moment that your 2 year old granddaughter is living with her parents who are meth addicts. Even if you call CPS there is no guarantee she will be protected or that they will even be caught in the act. Calling is important, but it may not work in protecting her, so do you just let go!?

A second scenario, imagine you are a divorced parent and your ex-spouse is in need of anger management and just happens to drink a little too much every now and then. What do you do to protect your child when they are with them? The answers are not always as simple as “let go and let God”!

Finally, sometimes I think if Jesus were to come back to earth today, they might throw him in a codependency treatment center because He cared too much! Oh, and He was also a martyr. Just thinkin out loud.