Marriage, once considered one of the most sacred commitments, has become one of the most easily dismissed commitments. Sacred has a religious meaning, such as holy, set apart. Webster mentions related words as inviolate, pure; privileged, protected, secure, shielded; exempt, immune. It is also suggested that something sacred is entitled to reverence and respect.

Maybe we should reconsider our tendency to throw away anything in this country that has a religious connotation. Is it so disrespectful to suggest that marriage should be sacred? Maybe religion has been abused, but does that mean we should throw away all the moral principles related to religion.

Ask the adult children of divorce how they feel about these qualities of marriage: pure; privileged, protected, secure, shielded; exempt, immune. You will find they have not felt protected, secure, shielded, exempt or immune from the pain of divorce.

Before you consider divorce please read “The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce”. This book was written from the results of a 25 year study of the lives of children of divorce. The following is a portion of the “Discussion” section of the original research article:

“The call to liberalize divorce in the early 1970s promised happier and better marriages. Ironically, findings from this study show that although divorce sets many adults free, and many second marriages are happier, these benefits do not extend to their children. Divorce begets fewer marriages, poorer marriages, and more divorces. This should not encourage us to retreat from regarding divorce as an adult right. However, it does call attention to enduring problems in the lives of the children involved. Where did we go wrong, and what can we do?”

I wish those thinking of divorce would hear the stories of the children of divorce in my counseling office. I have been counseling families, couples and individuals for 28 years and when rapport is built they will break the silence of unresolved grief. They have often made a vow of silence leading them to the “denial” stage of grief. Many teenage children are also stuck in the “anger” stage of divorce. This results in a commitment to serious repressing of feelings with deep emotional wounds that often become “baggage” carried into their future relationships. Stay tuned for some comments on “baggage”!