SAFE for the Holidays

This is a tool for fighting the holiday blues. It can be used by anyone, especially recovering addicts, alcoholics and codependents. It is not uncommon for many of us to have the winter blues. Whether we have experienced living with our own or someones addiction the holidays can be so stressful.
I use an acronym for remembering this plan: “SAFE”
S- Secure a place of escape when things get stressful, a prayer or meditation sanctuary. There is usually a bathroom where you can escape to and lock the door. It is a good idea to take with you a daily devotional with positive quotes for the day. We can also prepare a list of gratitude for the tough times. We need to focus on the positive. Another place of escape can be taking a walk from the scene. Tell them your on a workout regime and need to get some exercise. Maybe take a safe friend with you.
A- Attend twelve step meetings, maybe even an alcathon. If you don’t know what that is look it up on the internet. Plan ahead. There are twelve step meetings all over the world. Check the net in your area.
F- Focus on God or your Higher Power more than yourself. Keep the Faith, you can endure anything if you don’t drink, use or get stuck wanting to fix or control someone. The reward of resistance will feel so good, even in the beginning of recovery. I know I have been there!
E- Ease up on yourself, remember to give yourself some grace. That word really means unmerited favor. You may not think you deserve it but give yourself some. Then you can say, “I may not be where I think I should be or where someone else thinks I should be, but I am not where I was!”
In the beginning of my recovery it was a miracle that I was able to even just survive the holidays. After 23 years of addiction and intense holidays I did not know how to act without alcohol, drugs or drama. Often I just wanted to numb out, not feel a thing. Now after years of practicing recovery I love the holidays. It may take a long time, but the rewards are incredible. “Don’t leave til the miracles happen!”

“Denial”

Those who have never been addicted think those of us who have did it all by chose.  I remember when Nancy Reagan had a campaign called “just say no”.  She was encouraging youth to “just say no” to drug use.  It’s a great idea and I assume it helped several shut off the desire to use drugs. 

In recovery language we use the word “denial” to describe a component of addiction that keeps the addict from seeing reality.  Those who have never been addicted see us as totally dishonest.  They assume we can clearly see how we are thinking and behaving. 

The reality of being in “denial” for the addict is a state of  believing our lies or misconceptions of our reality.  We often truly can’t see what’s obvious to the others in our life.  When we reach the final stages of addiction we  usually live in more and more isolation and confusion.  We sometimes have moments of clarity where we somewhat see that we have lost control over the substances we thought we had controled.  These moments can be pretty scary, so we continue to use drugs to cover our uncomfortable feelings of fear.  What makes it all worse is we are also in denial of our feelings, too proud to say we fear anything. 

Towards the end of my addiction I spent about three years attempting to control my abuse of drugs.  I never told anyone I was trying to stop.  Maybe I did tell some I was going to slow down, but I do remember saying to myself  “just say no”.  It never worked until one day I humbled myself and asked for help to stop what I couldn’t seem to stop myself.  How easy do you think it is to admit you are out of control?